You think you know the truth...
But you've been lied to.
Now, for the first time, you can learn the real secrets of...
The Adams Family.
Far from a goofy but loveable cast of interesting characters, the Boston Adams clan was dark, and filled with a loathing for their fellows. Their real story, covered up with cute comic characterizations and a rather famous television and movie franchise, has been nothing more than a smoke screen for the horrors that they brought into their community.
To learn the real story, we need to go back in time.
Imagine, if you will, a cool and blustery October day, near the docks of Boston harbor. The family lived in a grand, but run down old manor that had seen better days. Truly, many in the area worried about anyone living there at all. There were rumors that the place was haunted, after all.
First, we need to examine the patriarch of this evil family.
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Gomez Adams. A man of mystery, though to be a refugee from Spain, coming through Ellis Island as so many did in the nineteen tens and twenties. He spoke English well, but with a slight accent that set him apart from those around him. What he was good at, it seemed, was business, and his chosen occupation was making people who thwarted organized crime disappear.
Only, of course, his love for the dead didn't stop at making people that way. When the police finally raided the mansion, forty-three corpses were found, each arranged is a delicate pose...
Nothing more than that made it into the police records, but from reading between the lines we have to gather that it's much worse than it sounds.
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Morticia Adams Morticia Blavatsky grew up in Boston, and was a native. Her abusive father and step-mother sold her on the streets of that fine city until she was twenty-six years old. In revenge, she used their bodies to make "potions" and good luck charms. That, needing to hide the deaths, is believed to be how she first met Gomez Adams.
In Morticia, Gomez found his ideal mate. Burned into insanity by the cruelty and depravity of the streets and her own parents, she was willing to do anything her new love needed.
Anything at all.
Fester Adams. Also known as "Uncle Fester".
This man is an enigma, but he is believed to have been known once as Donald Givens, before hooking up with Gomez and Morticia.
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Not only was he the perfect Renfield, "Fester" reveled in the art of the serial killer. His antics and strange appearance were, in the end, what brought the Family to police attention.
It get's worse in a way, from here...
Now we must discuss, the Children.
Pugsly Adams.
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Different from the others, young Pugsly didn't embrace the life of death and necrophilia as easily as the others. Instead, he pushed into communist agitation. An activity his family reviled, as it took him away from their work, molesting the dead.
Through the nineteen twenties, thirties and forties, he influenced the Greater Boston area with his missives and tracts. After that, he became...
A Baptist minister.
Which was only a cover for darker activities he was led into by his sister, Wednesday, who, after their parents fled to the old country, was left to fulfill their dark calling.
Wednesday Adams.
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It would be easy to assume that the dark and brooding girl was simply a killer. A necrophile and insane psychopath. Even in the comedic treatments, she was all of those things, or at least parts of that are hinted at, if you know to pay attention.
The reality is a broader and, in many ways, darker matter, by far.
Yes, she killed and made bodies vanish for certain criminal organizations. Unlike Gomez, she understood that the police were watching and that such operations needed to be done as quietly as possible. As a cover, she and Pugsly subverted some of his parishioners and started a house of ill-repute, right there in the old mansion.
The police, well paid off to look the other way on prostitution, never guessed what was really going on, right under their noses. Then, who would? A virtual death factory, complete with crematorium in the backyard, in the heart of Boston's old district?
It wasn't until the house was set for demolition in nineteen-seventy-seven that anyone even bothered to check the basement. There they found, in a hidden catacomb that was nearly missed, thousands of skulls and long bones, each charred, but not broken all the way down.
Along with signs of satanic rituals and sex magic having taken place.
Like the older Adams, Wednesday and Pugsly both vanished. Picking up stakes and leaving one day. The legend has it that they reunited with their parents and "Uncle" Fester, and are carrying on their dark arts and loves still, over a hundred years later.
Using the slick and humorous comedy we all know and love as a cover for who they truly are. For what they truly are.
